Until six,
I have been grown as the only-child receiving all the affection and attention
from everyone in our family. I was the king and queen and princess and no one
was against me. I felt beloved and had high self-esteem.
However!!!
When I was 6, the most embarrassing, unbelievable, catastrophic, tremendous
event in my life happened. I don’t exactly remember when but from one day, my
mother’s belly distended as a balloon, day by day, it got bigger and bigger. My
parents told me that there is some kind of “wonderful creature” inside her
belly. I was six then, I didn’t believe that and I was ignorant about the
upcoming disaster. I was just angry about “the creature” inside her belly that
makes my mom looks fatter.
After ten
months, I was awakened in the morning not by my mom and dad but by my
grandparents. They said my parents went somewhere to bring me a present. I
waited with expediency and I don’t know if it was later in the evening that day
or the day after that, the doorbell rang, and father said “수연, your present is here!” I ran directly
to the door imagining what the present might be. A bicycle? Or a new version of
Barbie? Or 뚝딱이 인형? Finally I opened the door and I saw
my mom as skinny as before. Instead of my present she was holding an ugly, red,
wrinkled, goblin-like ET wrapped in white blanket. That was the start of the
disaster.
Later, I
found out that the ET was actually my sister, known to be a creature which
shares the same genetic characteristics with me. I was shocked, and I hated
her. The first reason was that holding that “ugly, red creature” my mom
continuously said “My baby, you look just like your sister”, but I was pretty
white and cute then, I wasn’t that ugly. And the other reason was I used to be
the main character, the center of the family activities, the king and queen and
princess for my whole life. But imagine all of the sudden some kind of “noisy
creature” invaded my house, my bed, my room, my parents, my grandparents, their
attention and everything. How can I stay calm?
Since then,
I lost my rationality and thus decided to fight for my status. Looking it back,
it might sound kind of creepy and cruel but I constantly dropped my sister off
the bed to the floor and grabbed her up in the air holding her leg and made her
cry. I wanted her to disappear so I even hide her below the bed while she was
sleeping. I thought by doing this, everyone including my parents would
eventually come back to me again.
But you
know what happened? My parents sent me to some kind of mental hospital and made
doctors to offer me mental treatments. I was frustrated. I was just fighting
against that “creature” to bring parents’ attention back which belonged to me,
I think it was normal and quiet reasonable. But in the hospital they treated me
as if I have some kind of fatal disease or something although all they did was
letting me draw a house and saying the close doors and windows represent my
frustration. Although I was offered some organized treatments, I couldn’t still
admit the creature as my family. But to gain free, I pretended to admit the
honorable and darling existence of “the creature”, and finally was released
from the horrible institute.
Few years
after that, I kept hard-working but despite my constant effort, I failed to
turn back the attention from the parents however instead, I succeed to learn to
share it with my sister. As the time passes, this is achieved naturally without
much effort. Actually I didn’t need any of those treatments; all I needed was
time and advanced awareness of the creature. Although it has gone through tough
process and it took about 5 years to fully, truthfully admit her existence, now
my sister is the most precious, valuable and beloved creature to me.
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